Gandhigiri

Ok I've been continuously ill for like nearly 15 days. And I was nearly on my death bed until a few days ago. I'll try to recount the exact sequence of events that happened which led to me being severely ill. A week before I came back here, I was down with dust allergy. I kept sneezing even while flying and I was worried if I would be caught by the mean Airport officers and shooed back to India. How I wish they actually did. But that didn't happen. I landed in London and stayed put at my friend's place for a day before setting off to my place which is like 200 miles away. For all you dumb asses that is 200*1.6=320KM. So I reached home the next evening and was totally taken aback at what I was seeing. Right before my eyes was a coffin for a bedroom. Both my fellow esteemed room mates had gladly chosen the bigger, cleaner, airer rooms for themselves and left the coffin for a bedroom for me. I could barely take three steps before reaching the boundary of the coffin. I took a while to let the dust settle in my mind. And in this case, in my "bedroom" as well. Tired from a 5 hour bus journey I decided to relax for a bit and then unpack my stuff. Relax I tried but a few minutes later my nostrils warned me that this coffin was indeed a very dusty place and had to be cleaned immediately. So I acted promptly and got the vacuum cleaner to clean up the coffin. Clean up I did. It was dinner time, ordered pizza. Cursed the guy who made it. And the owner of the house. And finally retired to my coffin. My nostrils warned me again. I told myself you've just recovered from common cold, so you won't fall ill again. I kept tossing and turning the whole night through while my fellow esteemed room mates were busying jacking off watching porn before snoring away to glory. I had decided to not protest my way. My way being bringing the roof down. Which I'm not very proud off once the roof is actually down. So I decided to tolerate it and tried to adjust. But then my body didn't agree. The coughing persisted. The sneezing multiplied. Sometimes I sneezed so fast you would need a ultra high speed camera to see the coughing in slo-mo. My fellow esteemed roomies failed to see this. Obviously they were ignoring. Why? Because the narrow minded regionalist cunts that they are. I had to finally break the silence and tell them look dude this place is a fucking mess. I need help to clean this shit hole. One of them agrees to help me out. But that didn't turn into action. Until two days later.

That night after a night out, I came back at 6 in the morning and slept the remaining hours before I had to hit work. So I finish work in the evening and came back home. I was dead tired. The coffin still pretty dusty by my nostrils' standards. I had to put up with it. The coughing had worsened by now. I knew something was wrong. I knew it was because of sleeping in that dingy coffin. There was no air circulation because it had just one window which, if you open, a lot of dust and cold air comes in, and if you don't, the air doesn't circulate. Both do no good for anyone. My immunity had gone for a holiday. My fellow esteemed smart roomies still don't believe me I'm actually sick.

Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce the best part of the whole story.

I couldn't take it anymore. I was cold. I had fever, cough, headache, body ache, lost my appetite. And I foolishly slept again in the same place. The next morning I was just a bag of bones. Then finally it dawned on one of them roomies that I was actually ill! I decided to protest in a different way. Not that I consciously thought of not creating a scene, which I usually do if I don't see any justice. I managed to drag the bed down the stairs and flung it across the hall. And tripped. I looked like a newly born calf with unsteady limbs. I was mighty fucking pissed. So I decided you know what fuck you bastards I will sleep here for the next six motherfucking months because I'm tired of this! There was no way of me going back to that coffin even after I recovered. By body wouldn't magically become Arnold's once I recovered!

That didn't go down well with one of the cunts. He is this fat lazy son of a bitch who is so fucking bent on playing his motherfuckingsonofabitch video games all day long! It so happened that his big LCD fucking TV and all his gaming fucking shit was in the hall and I had been in bed for an entire day without food, Oh which reminds me of another thing but I'll come to it soon, no food not enough water nothing. So it kind of made him uncomfortable because he at least had the common sense he couldn't play his motherfuckingsonofabitch games because I was in the same hall. Ok before I forget, let me mention what I wanted to talk about. Food. These cunts prepared yummy hot food for themselves and they serve me cold rice with colder scrambled eggs. Oh and before and after that I didn't even get that. Fuck it now. So the next day when I was in bed again it made him extremely restless because he hadn't jacked off the night with his fucking video games. The following night when I was staring at the roof blankly our game fucking freak comes slyly and whisks away his junk to his room! I felt relieved. Only for a bit though. What followed was nightmare again. The low pitched bass emanating from the fucking speakers was actually giving me a real headache! I mean literally! I tried taking tablets thinking I had a headache because of the fever and all that. But then no amount of tablets cured my problem. Then finally I just casually asked the cunt funk to tone down the bass because I could so clearly make out the deep humming sound. He agrees. What happened next was a miracle from heaven! The headache actually disappeared a few minutes later! I just couldn't believe my eyes/ears! I cursed him that much more for making me suffer the whole day! And I told him dude your speakers were giving me a headache! To which our fat mo-fo says " I can't help it!" I just deleted that message and turned in feeling light headed! The next day I somehow managed to drag myself to my first day at class. Unfortunately we had an entire day dedicated to learning. I came back home at around 7pm and was shocked again to see my stuff back in the coffin and not in the hall! The fat mo-fo had moved his junk down and cleaned up the coffin for me! I was like, Awwwwwwwwwww you sweet lil cunningsonofabitch! He couldn't stay without his junk just for a day! And I knew there was no going back to that coffin. So I stayed up till late and then dragged the mattress down again and slept the night coughing. But I felt slightly stronger. I could prepare my own breakfast. Oh and I hadn't had breakfast in like nearly 4 days! Never mind. Yeah so I woke up went to University and out of the blue I get a call! It was the most important call of my life. The call was from none other than the fat mo-fo! I answered the call and I never expected to hear what I heard! The fat mo-fo says will you shift to my room and let me occupy the hall! I was like what the fuck!!!!!!!! I see this as Gandhi-giri, even though I never actually intended to do any sort of Gandhi-giri! I just didn't want to give a fuck that's it! But look it worked! It really worked! Gandhi-giri actually works people! Yipeeeeeeeeee!