Thursday, September 24, 2009

Yawn

I had many things on my mind that I wanted to blog about in the last one-month or so. However, I was swinging between sober days and pissed drunken nights regularly. Therefore, I hardly had any time to pull myself together and blog. But on the days and nights when I wasn’t [too] drunk I was too involved taking pictures of wild life and domestic life and life with no life and that sort of thing. The last one month has been a crazy wild time for me. Caught between everything I just did not know what to do. Therefore, to decide what to do, I had to turn to alcohol. However, that did not help either. Nevertheless, I do not regret that at all. I had one of the best times in the recent past. Now the time has come for me to go back to the shit hole in less than four days. So I thought this is the best time for me to pull myself together and blog about all the things that I had on my mind before I go back to the shit hole. It is pouring right now in Bangalore and I totally love the weather. However, the internet is acting like a psycho bitch again so I am not able to access the internet. Nevertheless, I see that as a good thing because if the internet were not acting like a psycho bitch then I would have a reason to not blog and post pone my blog until god alone knows when. Therefore, I seized the opportunity with both my hands, switched off the modem, opened this Microsoft Office Word document, took a deep breath, and began punching the keyboard. I am already beginning to feel good about what I have done. Anyway, I have realized I am frustrated in life already. I am just in my mid 20s if you must know. If you find that hot, and if you are a woman with in your mid 30s then kindly send me an email if you are interested in a one-night stand. Oh and I am a virgin. So I do not have enough [s]experience. However, you do not have to worry I can handle your extreme, multiple orgasms. Ok let us not get into all that. Please pardon the profanities that will soon follow. If you think it is unwarranted, unnecessary then please scroll your mouse across your monitor and you will find a tiny “X” symbol at the top right corner of this webpage. When you successfully find the symbol, please click on it and get the fuck out of my blog. Thank you for your kind cooperation.


So the latest news is that yet another bunch of Indians are “racially attacked” in Australia. Why can’t us Indians just come back to our shit land instead of getting fucked racially all the time in Shitstralia..oh shit sorry I mean Australia. Anyway, as usual we will never learn anything from our mistakes or from anyone’s mistakes for that matter. Go India! Jai ho!


Mayawati spends crores of the taxpayers’ dough on life-less statues all over her poverty-stricken state. In a way, you can think of it as a good way to keep the sculptors in the state occupied in the times like these. Again, once the statues are completed I do not think anyone will benefit from looking at them. Only the sculptors will make good money. Of course, it will inflate our Maya-ji’s big fat Dalit ego. However, the Supreme Court knocked some sense into her and said, “You bitch you better stop hoodwinking us and put an end to the fucking shit that you are doing with your fucked up statues”. Moreover, our Maya-ji said “Theek hain Saab we will stop but I’m fucking warning you if anyone demolishes the parks and memorials I swear I’ll fuck all of you until the President says enough is enough”.

Supreme Court response awaited.


For decades, our beloved Netas and babus travelled the whole world in First class/ Business class as the case maybe even to the most remote part of the world. However, out of the blue our Sonia “firang” Gandhi says [in a heavy Italian turned fake Indian accent obviously] “Arre hum bhi Economy class main chalta hain”! And poof! Her son and all the other Bakhras follow sari..oops sorry I mean suit!
I was wondering, why the fuck was the bitch travelling in First/business class all these years? Poor Sonia-ji. Must be running out of public money to spend on herself. Tsk tsk.
And the best part is, no one seems to fucking realize we are still treated like dumb fucks and live in a made to order..I mean made to believe society filled with such rotten shit. Sigh. My heart sinks in misery when I realize my return ticket says “Economy class”. Sigh. How I wish I could upgrade to First or Business class.

If you wish to make a donation to help me travel in comfort for once, kindly send me your bank details. Nevertheless, do not send your money to Nigerians. They will only empty your bank balance without saying thanks. I will say Thank you so much dude in return. Choice is yours.

Rakhi Sawant is in the news again. I hope her next show is called Rakhi ka Suhaag raat. More than wanting to see a naked Rakhi, I want to see that dumb fuck’s face when he is inside that silicone scumbag. He sure must have balls made of wrought [rot] iron and a missing brain and eyes to marry such a gorgeous item girl. Way to go mister CanadianBusinessmanwillingtosettledowninaamchimumbaijusttohumpaitemwhore. We are awaiting torrent links to your leaked sex tapes. Ooops sorry sex tv shows.

Pakistan continues to deny the involvement of its own citizens in the 26/11 attacks. Because they are having a blast all the time! :P I hope you got the drift.

I hope you also realize this blog lacks direction that most other blogs have. I have to blame it on the unpredictable nature of life. I do not have anything meaningful in my mind right now to share with you. At least I’m being honest. Kindly appreciate that at least.

More meaningless news will soon be updated.

8 comments:

Aparna said...

ahh! now this, I'd call a crazy script for a fab parody on all things mad! I, especially would enjoy seeing the way you'd bring alive the mayavati bit you have elaborated! I see visions of a fat arse undeniably! (I think of me as your best audience already, don't you disappoint me!)
and oh, you definitely ought to get laid. I mean this as a compliment! funny funny article!

:)

Vishwas said...

Aparna,

Lol Thanks that sounds very encouraging! I was just plain fed up at all the shit that is happening! Lol And yes you are my [only] esteemed audience! :P

Oh and the other day I almost hooked up with a chick at some club until out of the blue she just flashed her pierced nipple which was a massive turn off! Lol

Thanks once again!

Vishwas

Vishwas said...

And maydumji where on earth is your blog! x-(

Aparna said...

[pierced nipple not as disappointing as pierced tongue despite the latter's popularity if yu ask me, considering well.. it really starts..erm..there! besides they sounds ridiculously stupid when they start to speak..but of course, if you care to "converse" at all.hmm..

ANd honestly I dont think this blog idea is so great now, if its already causing people to go cross eyed, without even a start!
:P

Vishwas said...

The funny thing is that she didn't come off as a junkie like the others at the club! She had a great voice though, very intelligent and out going! But out of the blue I see..Ahem..you know what! :P Frankly it didn't do much except turn off quite a bit! And pierced tongue is very freaky!

No honestly I'm just very curious to read your blog! So without putting up a fuss just please put up your blog! :P

Vishwas :P

Ketan said...

You've got audience, and you've got readership! Sorry, readersheep! :P

I noticed when in UK you write about yourself, and in India you wrote about 'other' problems. Probably, you're much at peace with yourself when here.

I found you so funny in this post and hence, enticing, for a moment I totally forgot I'm withing my 30's but not a woman! :(

Also, didn't feel the need, but just letting you know that my browser--Opera mini--does not have that 'x' mark on the right upper corner.

I totally enjoyed the profanities! ;) You sounded like a superhero hurling them, 'cuz I don't use them much myself! ;)

And I second your request to Aparna for starting her blog. I too am curious!

TC.

Aparna said...

pressure pressure! *sighs*

:D sooner than you think!

Vishwas said...

Hahaha Ketan you better watch out! Aparna won't be too pleased with your comment! Lol

But yeah something is better than nothing right! :P

Yeah that's because I am all by myself here and back in India I have company! Lol

I actually thought this post would be very revolting! But glad at least the two of you found it funny even though I find it hard to believe you actually did! Lol
Please ketan don't even think I'm remotely interested in sleeping with you! :P Lol

Ahh Opera mini! Never heard of that! Is it like popular among geeks/nerds like yourself! :P

Lol Yes I am a superhero what do you think man! :P

Aparna is basically putting up her price! Let her not put up her blog! Like I care anymore! I'm tired of asking her! :P