Gandhigiri

Ok I've been continuously ill for like nearly 15 days. And I was nearly on my death bed until a few days ago. I'll try to recount the exact sequence of events that happened which led to me being severely ill. A week before I came back here, I was down with dust allergy. I kept sneezing even while flying and I was worried if I would be caught by the mean Airport officers and shooed back to India. How I wish they actually did. But that didn't happen. I landed in London and stayed put at my friend's place for a day before setting off to my place which is like 200 miles away. For all you dumb asses that is 200*1.6=320KM. So I reached home the next evening and was totally taken aback at what I was seeing. Right before my eyes was a coffin for a bedroom. Both my fellow esteemed room mates had gladly chosen the bigger, cleaner, airer rooms for themselves and left the coffin for a bedroom for me. I could barely take three steps before reaching the boundary of the coffin. I took a while to let the dust settle in my mind. And in this case, in my "bedroom" as well. Tired from a 5 hour bus journey I decided to relax for a bit and then unpack my stuff. Relax I tried but a few minutes later my nostrils warned me that this coffin was indeed a very dusty place and had to be cleaned immediately. So I acted promptly and got the vacuum cleaner to clean up the coffin. Clean up I did. It was dinner time, ordered pizza. Cursed the guy who made it. And the owner of the house. And finally retired to my coffin. My nostrils warned me again. I told myself you've just recovered from common cold, so you won't fall ill again. I kept tossing and turning the whole night through while my fellow esteemed room mates were busying jacking off watching porn before snoring away to glory. I had decided to not protest my way. My way being bringing the roof down. Which I'm not very proud off once the roof is actually down. So I decided to tolerate it and tried to adjust. But then my body didn't agree. The coughing persisted. The sneezing multiplied. Sometimes I sneezed so fast you would need a ultra high speed camera to see the coughing in slo-mo. My fellow esteemed roomies failed to see this. Obviously they were ignoring. Why? Because the narrow minded regionalist cunts that they are. I had to finally break the silence and tell them look dude this place is a fucking mess. I need help to clean this shit hole. One of them agrees to help me out. But that didn't turn into action. Until two days later.

That night after a night out, I came back at 6 in the morning and slept the remaining hours before I had to hit work. So I finish work in the evening and came back home. I was dead tired. The coffin still pretty dusty by my nostrils' standards. I had to put up with it. The coughing had worsened by now. I knew something was wrong. I knew it was because of sleeping in that dingy coffin. There was no air circulation because it had just one window which, if you open, a lot of dust and cold air comes in, and if you don't, the air doesn't circulate. Both do no good for anyone. My immunity had gone for a holiday. My fellow esteemed smart roomies still don't believe me I'm actually sick.

Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce the best part of the whole story.

I couldn't take it anymore. I was cold. I had fever, cough, headache, body ache, lost my appetite. And I foolishly slept again in the same place. The next morning I was just a bag of bones. Then finally it dawned on one of them roomies that I was actually ill! I decided to protest in a different way. Not that I consciously thought of not creating a scene, which I usually do if I don't see any justice. I managed to drag the bed down the stairs and flung it across the hall. And tripped. I looked like a newly born calf with unsteady limbs. I was mighty fucking pissed. So I decided you know what fuck you bastards I will sleep here for the next six motherfucking months because I'm tired of this! There was no way of me going back to that coffin even after I recovered. By body wouldn't magically become Arnold's once I recovered!

That didn't go down well with one of the cunts. He is this fat lazy son of a bitch who is so fucking bent on playing his motherfuckingsonofabitch video games all day long! It so happened that his big LCD fucking TV and all his gaming fucking shit was in the hall and I had been in bed for an entire day without food, Oh which reminds me of another thing but I'll come to it soon, no food not enough water nothing. So it kind of made him uncomfortable because he at least had the common sense he couldn't play his motherfuckingsonofabitch games because I was in the same hall. Ok before I forget, let me mention what I wanted to talk about. Food. These cunts prepared yummy hot food for themselves and they serve me cold rice with colder scrambled eggs. Oh and before and after that I didn't even get that. Fuck it now. So the next day when I was in bed again it made him extremely restless because he hadn't jacked off the night with his fucking video games. The following night when I was staring at the roof blankly our game fucking freak comes slyly and whisks away his junk to his room! I felt relieved. Only for a bit though. What followed was nightmare again. The low pitched bass emanating from the fucking speakers was actually giving me a real headache! I mean literally! I tried taking tablets thinking I had a headache because of the fever and all that. But then no amount of tablets cured my problem. Then finally I just casually asked the cunt funk to tone down the bass because I could so clearly make out the deep humming sound. He agrees. What happened next was a miracle from heaven! The headache actually disappeared a few minutes later! I just couldn't believe my eyes/ears! I cursed him that much more for making me suffer the whole day! And I told him dude your speakers were giving me a headache! To which our fat mo-fo says " I can't help it!" I just deleted that message and turned in feeling light headed! The next day I somehow managed to drag myself to my first day at class. Unfortunately we had an entire day dedicated to learning. I came back home at around 7pm and was shocked again to see my stuff back in the coffin and not in the hall! The fat mo-fo had moved his junk down and cleaned up the coffin for me! I was like, Awwwwwwwwwww you sweet lil cunningsonofabitch! He couldn't stay without his junk just for a day! And I knew there was no going back to that coffin. So I stayed up till late and then dragged the mattress down again and slept the night coughing. But I felt slightly stronger. I could prepare my own breakfast. Oh and I hadn't had breakfast in like nearly 4 days! Never mind. Yeah so I woke up went to University and out of the blue I get a call! It was the most important call of my life. The call was from none other than the fat mo-fo! I answered the call and I never expected to hear what I heard! The fat mo-fo says will you shift to my room and let me occupy the hall! I was like what the fuck!!!!!!!! I see this as Gandhi-giri, even though I never actually intended to do any sort of Gandhi-giri! I just didn't want to give a fuck that's it! But look it worked! It really worked! Gandhi-giri actually works people! Yipeeeeeeeeee!

Yawn

I had many things on my mind that I wanted to blog about in the last one-month or so. However, I was swinging between sober days and pissed drunken nights regularly. Therefore, I hardly had any time to pull myself together and blog. But on the days and nights when I wasn’t [too] drunk I was too involved taking pictures of wild life and domestic life and life with no life and that sort of thing. The last one month has been a crazy wild time for me. Caught between everything I just did not know what to do. Therefore, to decide what to do, I had to turn to alcohol. However, that did not help either. Nevertheless, I do not regret that at all. I had one of the best times in the recent past. Now the time has come for me to go back to the shit hole in less than four days. So I thought this is the best time for me to pull myself together and blog about all the things that I had on my mind before I go back to the shit hole. It is pouring right now in Bangalore and I totally love the weather. However, the internet is acting like a psycho bitch again so I am not able to access the internet. Nevertheless, I see that as a good thing because if the internet were not acting like a psycho bitch then I would have a reason to not blog and post pone my blog until god alone knows when. Therefore, I seized the opportunity with both my hands, switched off the modem, opened this Microsoft Office Word document, took a deep breath, and began punching the keyboard. I am already beginning to feel good about what I have done. Anyway, I have realized I am frustrated in life already. I am just in my mid 20s if you must know. If you find that hot, and if you are a woman with in your mid 30s then kindly send me an email if you are interested in a one-night stand. Oh and I am a virgin. So I do not have enough [s]experience. However, you do not have to worry I can handle your extreme, multiple orgasms. Ok let us not get into all that. Please pardon the profanities that will soon follow. If you think it is unwarranted, unnecessary then please scroll your mouse across your monitor and you will find a tiny “X” symbol at the top right corner of this webpage. When you successfully find the symbol, please click on it and get the fuck out of my blog. Thank you for your kind cooperation.


So the latest news is that yet another bunch of Indians are “racially attacked” in Australia. Why can’t us Indians just come back to our shit land instead of getting fucked racially all the time in Shitstralia..oh shit sorry I mean Australia. Anyway, as usual we will never learn anything from our mistakes or from anyone’s mistakes for that matter. Go India! Jai ho!


Mayawati spends crores of the taxpayers’ dough on life-less statues all over her poverty-stricken state. In a way, you can think of it as a good way to keep the sculptors in the state occupied in the times like these. Again, once the statues are completed I do not think anyone will benefit from looking at them. Only the sculptors will make good money. Of course, it will inflate our Maya-ji’s big fat Dalit ego. However, the Supreme Court knocked some sense into her and said, “You bitch you better stop hoodwinking us and put an end to the fucking shit that you are doing with your fucked up statues”. Moreover, our Maya-ji said “Theek hain Saab we will stop but I’m fucking warning you if anyone demolishes the parks and memorials I swear I’ll fuck all of you until the President says enough is enough”.

Supreme Court response awaited.


For decades, our beloved Netas and babus travelled the whole world in First class/ Business class as the case maybe even to the most remote part of the world. However, out of the blue our Sonia “firang” Gandhi says [in a heavy Italian turned fake Indian accent obviously] “Arre hum bhi Economy class main chalta hain”! And poof! Her son and all the other Bakhras follow sari..oops sorry I mean suit!
I was wondering, why the fuck was the bitch travelling in First/business class all these years? Poor Sonia-ji. Must be running out of public money to spend on herself. Tsk tsk.
And the best part is, no one seems to fucking realize we are still treated like dumb fucks and live in a made to order..I mean made to believe society filled with such rotten shit. Sigh. My heart sinks in misery when I realize my return ticket says “Economy class”. Sigh. How I wish I could upgrade to First or Business class.

If you wish to make a donation to help me travel in comfort for once, kindly send me your bank details. Nevertheless, do not send your money to Nigerians. They will only empty your bank balance without saying thanks. I will say Thank you so much dude in return. Choice is yours.

Rakhi Sawant is in the news again. I hope her next show is called Rakhi ka Suhaag raat. More than wanting to see a naked Rakhi, I want to see that dumb fuck’s face when he is inside that silicone scumbag. He sure must have balls made of wrought [rot] iron and a missing brain and eyes to marry such a gorgeous item girl. Way to go mister CanadianBusinessmanwillingtosettledowninaamchimumbaijusttohumpaitemwhore. We are awaiting torrent links to your leaked sex tapes. Ooops sorry sex tv shows.

Pakistan continues to deny the involvement of its own citizens in the 26/11 attacks. Because they are having a blast all the time! :P I hope you got the drift.

I hope you also realize this blog lacks direction that most other blogs have. I have to blame it on the unpredictable nature of life. I do not have anything meaningful in my mind right now to share with you. At least I’m being honest. Kindly appreciate that at least.

More meaningless news will soon be updated.

Not so Down Under

Ok this is more like a sequel to the original post "Down Under". In the original post I had spoken about the issues faced by Indians living abroad, and the friction between goras and boras[Us Indians]. But I felt I had to come up with this post because after what happened last night. Ok I wasn't brutally attacked or racially abused by goras but was sort of racially attacked by boras at home! Yes you read it right! One of them said if you've got the balls then talk in *****. Oh and he said that in the same language he wanted me to talk in! Ok I've censored the language mentioned by the attacker to make it less obvious just in case one of them stumbles upon my blog! I was quite taken aback when I heard him say this! It was like a trivial issue and one of them got a bit serious and said this! I was enjoying the mild buzz that Guinness beer gives and suddenly I felt a yank by what he said and I came right back into my senses! I suppressed the surge of laughter that filled my already beer logged stomach and made a face as if my bladder was about to explode and bit my lips to avoid saying anything in retaliation and I managed to draw a blank stare until the insinuating mumbling faded away. I stood there motionless with the beer can in my right hand and my left hand in my pocket leaning against the kitchen counter but deep within I was rolling all over the place. Finally when the mumbling faded away, I managed to make sense of what he had just said! I quitely ate my share of dinner, retreated into my bedroom and retired for the day. I began to feel funny as how do people manage to come up with such thoughts! I mean will a person grow balls just because he/she can speak a particular language! Sometimes I wish I was as ethnocentric as these guys are. That way I won't have to be the odd one out amongst the hundreds of such blokes who initially come here to pursue higher education but end up working part time like 24/7 which is quite contradictory to the term "part time"! I do feel sad for such people because they don't receive the exposure back home. They hold on to their insecurities as if they would die if they didn't! I feel so sad. So sad they can't take off their blinkers. This is just the tip of the ice berg. A massive make over is urgently required for us Indians. Language is the biggest cause of our divided nature. In fact, language could be our greatest strength if our thoughts are channelized well. Our problems are deep seated. Fear is another cause for our problems. Fear of being in a new place. Fear of not having family/friends for months together. Fear of not doing routine activities. Fear of not being able to understand the thick British/American accent. Fear of nothing being able to speak intelligible English. Fear of accepting the fact that not everyone abroad is a racist. Fear of losing the herd mentality. Fear of accepting fellow countrymen from different parts of India. We let fear control us. We let fear and insecurity decide our pattern of thoughts. Change is required at the grass root level. Home is the best place for change to take place. We are far behind not just economically, but mentally as well. Meanwhile, I'm praying to god this will happen soon enough.

Down Under!

"When in Rome, do as the Romans do" So goes the saying. Every year Indians go to every nook and cranny of the globe to pursue that dream MBA or an MS. It’s imperative, though not an academic or legal requirement, to learn about the culture and understand how life abroad is, before one sets off. As an Indian student studying in England myself, I'm shocked and appalled to see most of my fellow Indians here can hardly form a simple sentence consisting of say 10 words without committing heinous grammatical errors. Having said this, it doesn't mean that I look down on them. My sincere condolences to the poor bloke who was attacked Down Under. Maybe he wasn't at fault. Anyway, we must not tar the Australians as Racists. Racism exists wherever you go. In fact I've faced more racist attacks from my own fellow countrymen than by the "goras" for a simple fact that I can speak English and they [ my countrymen that is ] can't and I can't speak their language and they can! We must collectively take the blame for the recent shocking events in Australia. Over the years, millions of Indians have gone abroad to pursue higher education. Each and every person has left an indelible mark on the Americans' or Australians' psyche as the case maybe. We are equally responsible for our acts. We should take the blame for the poor image we project of our Nation. It’s not entirely Aussies’ or the Brits’ fault, as the case maybe. The best defence is to blend in with the environment. That makes them native people feel less threatened. Instead, we provoke them by ignoring the fact that we are in a different country altogether. Ignorance is not always bliss. Trying to form your own 'desi' communities or groups and continuing our Indian lifestyle even abroad makes the native people feel insecure since the size of the communities or groups is quite large and they see that happen far too often. When the insecurity creeps in, the natives think we are not 'fit' to live in their country. Having said that, it doesn't mean that once you go abroad you HAVE to become all westernised and shed your old skin. By finding a right balance between blending in and yet not forget our roots is very important. This ensures that we project ourselves as more approachable and friendly. Its not only the Indians who are attacked abroad, going back a few years ago, several foreign tourists were raped and murdered in our country. Now this doesn’t paint a pretty picture of our country now does it? India is a country with a lot of problems. But we are a nation with a lot of potential. There is a staggering imbalance between people from modern cities and those from smaller or less modern towns. As a result when students from smaller towns or cities go abroad, the “culture shock” takes its toll on them. So they naturally tend to socialize or meet people from their home town. Over a period of time they become well acquainted and team up and live in groups of 10 and live under a roof meant for 5! Again, this enrages the native people living around them. This unhealthy behaviour should stop. There are many positive outcomes to changing ourselves. So its time we change ourselves. Its time we turn things around.